How to Develop Empathic Understanding

Frame of reference was first used by Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centred therapy, in 1959. He believed:

"The state of empathy, or being empathic, is to perceive the internal frame of reference of another with accuracy and with the emotional components and meanings which pertain thereto as if one were the person." (Carl Rogers 1980 P140)

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Rogers felt that being understood is key for a person to feel secure enough to speak about their difficulties.

How do you enter a client's frame of reference?

By listening carefully to what the client is saying and trying to see their perceptual world, as they see it. This can be achieved by doing the following things:

• Be aware that everybody has a unique view of their world and how it impacts them.
• Don't impose your views or judgments (this may shut the client down).
• Use questions only to clarify your understanding.
• Be patient. Clients may need to build up trust before sharing intimate details of their life.
• Be genuine and real in the relationship. Don't hide behind a professional facade.
• Be warm and accepting toward your client.

The danger of the counsellor's frame of reference

A skilled counsellor will be careful to make sure that his or her own frame of reference is not introjected into the counselling relationship.

This requires a high level of self-awareness on the part of the counsellor so as to be able to put their own opinions and feelings aside and be fully integrated in what the client is bringing.

Nelson-Jones (2013) helpfully outlines the difference between responding from your world view (external frame of reference) and trying to see the world from someone else’s perspective (internal frame of reference).

Notice in the passage below how two distinct qualities are asked for when trying to understand someone. The first is a desire to understand; the second is having the skills to be able to respond appropriately.

“The skill of listening to and understanding clients is based on choosing to acknowledge the separateness between 'me' and 'you' by getting inside clients' internal frame of reference rather than remaining in your own external frame of reference. If counselling skills students respond to what clients say in ways that show accurate understanding of their perspectives, you respond as if inside the client's internal frame of reference. However, if you choose not to show understanding of your clients' perspectives or lack the skills to understand them, you respond from the external frame of reference.”